There aren’t many good single men at the moment in New York City. As far as I can tell, everyone is telling us. When Deanna* relocated to the city towards the end of 2021, it was her turn to check if there was any truth in this claim. After being single for the first time since his boyfriend, who was with her for three years separated from her on Snapchat, Deanna joined Hinge and Tinder. It was around this time that a Facebook group named Is You Dating The Same Guy NYC became a must-follow. The group included a strict prescreening survey as well as community guidelines which were used as barriers for entry. The group was four-and-a-half million members strong. Deanna was interested and so she enrolled.
The community
The community-which began with the sole intention to help women determine if their romantic prospects were seeing other people-was started in the month of March 2022. Every major US city has one of these groups now, and the rules are simple: Everyone is allowed to make posts anonymously, there’s no doxxing or sharing sensitive information and under no circumstances should screenshots be taken away from the group. No bullying, no victim blaming, no hate speech. Never inform a man that he’s been listed in the group.Read about https://datingfortodaysman.com/ At website In the wake incident of West Elm Caleb, a man with whom many women in New York shared negative dating experiences and made connections on the web, it was clear that many women were in the market for a method of sifting out similar men to him. A TikTok user mused at the time This is why we need an app where we can leave reviews of guys we’ve dated on Hinge.
It’s a lot like the way this group was by the time Deanna joined. Every time a new version of Are We Dating the Same Guy serves as a gathering where women can seek love advice or warn about people with whom they’ve had negative dating experiences. Loyalty-testing long-term boyfriends-that is, it’s the act of contacting other women to entice them via social media sites has also become very common. It’s easy to fall down a rabbit through a maze of screenshots Hinge profiles, stories of hookups gone wrong, and memes that discuss the problems of modern-day dating. A lot of the most popular posts contain photos of a guy with his first name, and asking the question of whether anyone has been matched to or dated the person who is the person in question. The emojis in red are a common glimpse on uninspiring but ominous messages warning users of an ex-partner or bad relationship typically accompanied by the downward arrow and ominous words See comments for more info.
The popularity of online dating has been a major factor in our choices in recent years, with one recent study revealing that almost 39% of heterosexual couples met their partner on the internet. So it’s natural that the romantic element of romance would change to the digital age. Instead of having a conversation with the same group of people drinking a glass of wine or venting to colleagues, we are seeking the counsel of 43,000 women who are going through similar and, in some cases, the exact same-experiences.
It’s demystified this idea that dating is easier for some women than it is for others, says Ellie * another group member. Not to say that there’s not privileges that exist, but it was certainly useful for me to reconsider my thoughts about dating. There’s nothing to do between women but it is holding men to a different quality than I did before.
It’s obvious to me that certain behaviors which is promoted and facilitated through Are We the Dating the Same Guy can be concerning if displayed by prospective suitors. Images, the details of private conversations, and screenshots that are posted without the consent of the other party or knowledge are numerous. People dig up social media profiles almost on a daily basis. It’s not hard for a person to be to be the center of attention. Though Deanna likes being a part of the group, she’s got a few reservations. Sometimes you see people posting ‘If he wanted to, he would’ about paying for things or picking you up in an Uber, she declares. But I’m afraid you’ll face the problem that there’s this echo chamber of ‘Men have been pushing us around for so long, now we’re going to do it right back.
We still live in an age of patriarchy
The world is still a patriarchal society-so until we’re truly equal this online interaction will produce different outcome based on the individual’s background. Yet, can a group like this truly be proactive in its empowerment on the one hand of the coin, and morally reprehensible terror in the form of incels on the other? Are We All Dating the Same Guy? Hyperlocal and inter-personal, but only for those who live, and even date in the city the organization is located in. The women, as well as the people they blog about could be your neighbor and coworker or friend, family member, or even your most current Hinge match. But there’s a lack of personalization inherent in operating on the internet, making it feel like the game. It’s not too far to say this is objectifying the people in both groups, especially when details about private interactions, conversations or even photos are being shared without their knowing or consent, usually as a means of entertainment.